Almost 4 years ago I shot in this amazing dilapidated old boarding house in downtown Goshen. I was taken through by a friend and fellow photographer who had access to it. Then not too long after that I photographed my best friend in this same space. 

These are the before and after shots of this amazing building. 

When I first saw the light, the dilapidation, the lost grandeur of this place I felt intrigued, I wondered if the walls could talk, what stories would they tell??? People lived here, laughed here, cried here, loss, love, war.. living .. I am fascinated with time that has passed and long been forgotten. You could just feel the longing in this space for someone to see what its glory once was. Being an old soul, my heart just lends to places like this, as if to communicate with each brick and beam, "I still see your beauty." Forlorn beauty is something I can never seem to get enough of, whether in quiet old barns or train stations.. I love the nostalgia of an era that has passed us by, but has not truly been forgotten.

Last fall when I was looking for a new studio space, I was given a tour of this building.. they were renovating and remodeling it. My heart kind of did a jump-skip when they told me that they would be renting these spaces out to artists. Still - I thought, maybe the timing isn't right. So I made some upgrades to my current space and was content to stay there. Then on a whim, my husband suggested I call the chamber - about a month ago. So I did. And they put me in touch with a gentleman that owns the building, so I called him. And he told me to meet him and have a walk through.. so I did. 

One of the first things I noticed is that they did an AMAZING job b/c I KNEW the state it was in before. But secondly, they kept details of the original building - like handwritten words behind wallpaper of the artisan that had applied it. That was how I knew, an old soul like me? I would fit in here quite well. When they remodeled this building, they knew the elaborate work that originally went into it... because they chose to preserve tiny details to show that someone, back in 1921 did something that mattered to this building.. AND they took pride in it. Even that they kept the paint in the back room with it's amazing patina and varnished it good so it's intact... I appreciated the attention to how beautiful the aging process can be viewed. Just takes the right person to see it as such... a shared vision.

Ironically, when I photographed my best friend.. we shot in the back of the building first, the first room we shot in was the very room that I chose to be my studio. And also ironic.. she changed into a few outfits, there was a small room near this back room that we joked was "the perfect changing room" - ha, it is now my changing room in my studio. I would have never guessed or known though back then, that one day.. this would be the space I occupy. 

Life has such a splendid way of showcasing fortunate happenstance.

Serendipity that brings you back to where you once were, but ... better.

This is the room we started in. While the chipped mess of paint and dirty debris is FABULOUS in the right photo that I took years ago of Vincy.. the now polished studio space for boudoir on the left is AMAZING. The wood will be removed yet from the top window above the door. And the paint that was kept for its patina has been varnished to seal it from chipping. It.is.gorgeous. I would have never thought to shoot in a room so dark, but in contrast to the white bed and furniture, it is beautifully intriguing and rich in light and dark contrasts. The light is INCREDIBLE all day in this room. And I made a 30x40 canvas of my beautiful friend on the right to hang in this room. She doesn't know that yet. But I wanted to showcase an image that showed the beauty of the room then and the beauty of it now. The beauty that I know of this woman, each trial she's walked, each hurdle she's jumped.. and the beauty that has come of it. I wanted to showcase a theme that has been prevalent in most all of my work for many years - as seen in my branding with the monarch butterfly - life is a series of transformations.. one after another, each making us more beautiful.

This photo I took in the hallway, once dilapidated - on the right - is one of my favorite images of my best friend. How different this hall looks now cleaned up and remodeled. I still can't believe the opportunity to be here.  I feel so grateful and happy to work along side other artists. I am the first here to occupy a space, but I look forward to seeing other artists create here too.

And as a woman, I feel a new sense of empowerment by being able to work and create here. I feel blessed and incredibly grateful for the opportunity, and how one thing led to another to present itself at just the right time.

So I said that I photographed my best friend here.. but I too was the subject here. It doesn't happen very often that I am in front of a professional camera that is not my own. Trust me, to be vulnerable is to gain an inner strength that only you can seek, define, feel.

In all honesty, the photos below were taken at a very difficult time in my life. One where I was learning what it meant to find wings again.. to find me again. And I was finding me again.

I was asked to model for my friend Janie of Imagination Photography - who is one of THE MOST incredible artists I have ever met. And truly one of the only local photographers I had followed faithfully as a huge inspiration. These photos were taken by her and are her incredible work in this space. Along with snapshots on my phone of the space and what it looks like now. Just amazing. I do not model often... so I felt honored that she asked. And like any woman, I know my strengths and weaknesses. I have things I love about me, things I dislike about me. But as a woman part of our journey is to feel beautiful - and not because of the makeup or the hair or the clothes on our body.. but because of how we are transforming inside of our soul and our heart. I felt that on this day.

This photo of me by Imagination Photography on the left is one of THE MOST empowering images of me I have ever had taken. I am in an old slip. The ground is dirty under my feet. I am walking away. This image is so profoundly symbolic on so many levels.. I feel strong and beautiful in this image. Empowered. On the right I am sitting in a window sill on the edge of something, change, tension, hope... - in the middle phone image - you can see that the same window and door - look quite different. Incredible. 

** Images on left and right of collage by Imagination Photography **

This image of me on the left {taken by Imagination Photography} and the same wallpaper that they diligently kept. I love that they preserved it!!! Accolades for the appreciation! 
** Image on left by Imagination Photography **

And lastly, a shot of me by Imagination Photography in the back room that I first posted above. I walked through this room now polished and restored the other day and quietly thought about how I once laid on the dirty ground at a different time in my life, in this very room - the chaos and deterioration around me. So symbolic of how we face the valleys of life sometimes. We are down. In the lows. In the dirt. Waiting for something to come in and clean sweep it all. Make it new. Make it transformed. Make it celebrated. Pick us up and tell us - try again. Find you and love you more.

One of my new areas of focus is to be able to photograph women in a nostalgic way, old slips, white lace, etc.. not your traditional boudoir session, something different, reminiscent of the beginning of a transformation to where they are now... beautiful growth, empowerment, confidence. I don't want to just photograph a woman's body.. I want to take pictures of her that say.. "see my soul, see who I AM, who I am BECOMING, read a line of my story on my face." That's what I want to create in this space. I want to show a small part of a woman's journey. Because at the end of the day when we look back at 80 - if we get that far - and we look at a photo of us, I don't want the first thought to be, man.. I had an amazing body back then, look at how beautiful I looked! .. No. I want it to be, LOOK WHO I WAS BECOMING, LOOK HOW STRONG and BRAVE I WAS.. LOOK HOW WELL I LEARNED TO LOVED MYSELF.

There is a quote that I have clung to - for such personal treasure. And it literally changed the way I view life. It is called Love after Love by Derek Walcott.

**photo above by Imagination Photography**

I feel such a personal connection to this space. I probably wouldn't normally blog photos of myself too often. Or work from another photographer, credit of course! - but with the exception of it being to explain the incredible coincidence of shooting in a space, being shot in a space that was fascinating to me.. but one I would have never DREAMED would be mine to work out of. And seeing it transformed. The parallels are too great to not mention.

Life is an unpredictable and amazing journey folks.

Feast on your life.